CATS & DOGS

As I was coming from the park, just around the corner, a dog was coming towards me. He was a quite ordinary dog, kind of skinny, tongue out and apparently friendly. On the other side, a small Chihuahua skipped past me yapping. When both canines became aware of each other they reacted and of course I also did. Dogs are kind of bi-polar, you never know how they are going to behave --they can be friendly and lick your hand or aggressive and tore it apart.

On the other hand, cats are, well, mostly indifferent, they couldn't care less. That is, of course if we are not discussing Shadow, my cat, who reminds me of my mother, as Sean once told me, "She's got the right name, she does act like your shadow, always by your side." I'm sure that if she wouldn't be so scared of coming outside she would tag along into and out of my classes. Right now she's staring at me with her round questioning eyes, kind of mad because I didn't bring her food. She's right by the computer and almost on top of it, but she knows me too well to know there are certain boundaries that should never be crossed. And that way she never gets me crossed.

ON TRYING

Re-reading Virginia Woolf's "A Room of One's Own" I've remembered many things about my youth and the then future dreams of becoming a writer and living by my wits, as Woolf would say. But --there's always a but-- apparently that is not as defying as it used to be and it has never been like the best option. Mmm, maybe not. I don't know what I need to start. My daughter says there's no such thing as a writer's block, only insecurity, maybe she's right.

When I was young I used to think that time would make things happen somewhat. Now I know that I have to make things happen. I have to pick the pen, or attack the keyboard --that would be better-- to start writing. I have to look within, no matter how corny that may sound, and start developing a story. J.K. Rowling (excuse me from going from Woolf to Rowling) had no choice but to believe. She was waitressing and her daughter used a fruit box (or something like that) as a craddle, she only had one toy. Now she's one of the richest women in England and I daresay in the world. Take Stephenie Meyer and her twist on vampires. It is amazing how many people, women mainly, all ages, read, and carry! those heavy books in the subway. I still have to read that one and her bio. Want me to quote more serious writers and not best-sellers only? Ok, take Doris Lessing. She was a secretary who had an idea and decided to take a year leave to find out if she was good. Last year she won the Literature Nobel. No, she doesn't write about wizards or vampires, but still she writes in a way everybody understands and enjoys and I don't mean easy reading, but touching deep chords reading.

So far my greates hits have been my Influenza Diaries and my cooking recipes. I have experience in writing diaries since I was, what? 9, 11? A very young girl. And cooking has always been a part of my life. My grandparents, my parents, my brother, my aunts, and not just the basics, great laborious meals!

Should I write a new kind of literature involving cooking? Novels around recipes have been written, I've read them. Should I write about women in the XXIst century? Wow! What an original idea! Should I write yet another cook book? Girls nowadays are forgetting how to cook the basics, although some others are taking gastronomy classes.

How can I make money and be happy? How can I make money and be free? How can I make money without stress? Any ideas?

By the way, I prepare you for the TOEFL if you're interested :)

ON SUCCESS

"You're not trying, you're complaining."
I heard this said by Nigel, Miranda Presley's right hand in "Devil Wears Prada". It's so true. I decided to do something, to stop complaining and start looking for more students, to invest in material and to be patient.

CONTROL

Some people think I'm a controller because of my obssession with time. I always ask, "When?What time?" and then I write it down in my agenda. Yes, I'm a control freak, but of time, and not of other people's time, but of my own. If I know how long to wait then I know when to move and go on. If not, I get really anxious. I think it is important to respect time, other's and my own. Some people live carelessly, without a regard of time. Not me I can't. By the way, gotta go, it's time!

DECLUTTERING

It is known by updated currents in positive thinking (not to call them philosophies) that clutter, being it physical or psychological stops one from moving on. Due to the great news I've received lately I should declutter in order to receive the new flow of events that are coming my way. So, as tomorrow I have a new class at home I'm clearing the table to make it work as a desk, again. I have to clean the whole flat to make room for the new man in my life, not that he is coming to live with me, but, just to be with me for a few days. And in order to get away from the past which seems to have a grip on me (or me on it) since the mattress afair, I have to take many steps, to let go many grudges and many anchors which --gulp-- are not easy to let go.

SURPRISES

Who doesn't love them? I mean the good ones. There are so many. Unexpected and simple or simply ellaborated. For example when you plan a surprise party nothing compares to the face of the surprised person. But I'm not lingering with those surprises. The ones I'm dealing with are those which are everyday surprises, those little unexpected things that just happen. For example, the other day I was chatting with Sean. There's nothing unusual about it, I know, only that his camera hadn't been working and I was getting used to not seeing him, so I sent a request for a video call for him to see me, I mean when we started dating-chatting I was the only one who could see because I didn't have a cam and he couldn't see me, suddenly the image went blank and when I sent the request again BAM! there he was! In full view, whole smile and all. It was such a beautiful surprise! Then Ame's party, I expected it to be a terrible experience for me, and I acually had a great time. Or what about the mobile calls from Adam in the middle of the park? Or Krow appearing on msn? Or even better Alexis chatting for a while!

But the best of all is when you are secretly wishing something and it happens. Many months ago now Sean and I stopped chatting during the weekends because he started working with his brother and once I told him I missed our weekend chats. Long time ago. Since he cancelled his visit in August I had been wondering when he would mention it again. Patience rewards. Well, today he told me he is finishing his work at the brother's, he has saved enough and he's planning not to touch that money in Chistmas so he can come. "For health's sake, for love's sake" he said. So, we're having back our weekends and he has already a plan. I couldn't help but remembering what Mau told me about a year ago, "I don't know why, but I'm sure this guy will appear one day at your door with a bunch of flowers." Well, if that's the case, I'd better be dressed! Or not?

WHY AM I SO OBSSESSED WITH TIME?

I was writing another entry in my diary today and I noticed I was worried because the battery in my mobile had gone flat and I didn't know what time it was. Each time I write an entry or tell an anecdote I mention the time it happened, sometimes, if I rememeber the time the rest will follow easily. But I wonder, why do I get so obssessed with time? I've been reading this book about "The Power of Now". The cafeteria owner asked me what I thought. I still don't know. I am not very convinced... about the book, not about the owner. Anyway, what is important about this is the mention about psychological time and physical time. According to it, psychological time (it looks so psycho) refers to our constant travelling to the past and to the future either for refuge or dreaming or blaming. Physical time there's only now. Ok, agreed. I live too much in both: psychological and physical. I am constantly remembering my past, I write my present so it will be reading subjet sometime in the future. I am constantly dreaming about things being better in the future... with Sean, when I finally end my thesis, when I get to publish whatever, when....

And I am constantly worried about getting on time to my classes in the physical time... or is that also the psychological time? Worrying about the near future?

I don't know, I just noticed I am quite obssessed with writing down the time in which things happen when I write what is actually going on, when I write what happened a few days ago I just write the date of the day I am writing.

Anyway, I was trying to deepen on the subject but Adam's constant intromissions don't let me concentrate.