AWFUL SILENCE

Once you are used to talk and chat and make your voice sound loud and clear it is very difficult to stay silent, more when this condition is due to a sore throat, the damnation of teachers and whoever depends on their voice to earn a living. Ok, this thing of the sore throat has been haunting me for a few weeks now and I have been putting it aside with garlic tea, green tea, lemon, honey and other home remedies. Apparently it hasn't been enough. I know all I need is a holiday, just resting a whole day on bed, but I can't. This does not rise from a feeling of guilt not to do anything, but rather from a terribly lonely feeling of no one in my bed to keep me company. I know Sean is there, on the other side of the world, but I need him here, by my side, physically present. Last night I went partying and I was surrounded by many couples professing their love for each other. No problem with public love expressions, rather, envy, pure and putrid. Once again I am put in a situation where I can not show my love, I mean, I can talk about it, but I cannot hold hands, stare into each other's eyes, feel his prickly skin against mine, feel his warmth or his kisses on my cheek. Maybe that is what sickens me, the lack of physical proximity. And the sadness, the loneliness and the hormones.

THE ROPES OF LOVE STORIES

In the film Paperheart Charlyne Yi interviews a Romance writer who after having said there is no formula for a romance, describes what a romantic story is about, yes, giving away the formula. She more or less states that it should include the lovers (of course) a basic attraction, an obstacle and both's will to overcome that obstacle that once conquered will let love triumph and the lovers live happily ever after.

Ok, here we go:
1st story:
Lovers: A female teacher and her 21 years younger, terribly hot and handsome student.
Obstacle: Both go to the same school, the age gap and the small size of the school.
How the obstacle is overcome: Teacher leaves school, student graduates and becomes a legal adult who woos the teacher on the internet and texting.
Outcome: For a month both are very happy, but after all the age difference is too much and they cannot continue together. He gets bored.

2nd story:
Lovers: A male teacher nine years older than his former ultra sexy female student.
Obstacle: Mmm, none? He's recently divorced and still bitter, he doesn't want to committ, not even to risk falling in love.
How the obstacle is overcome: It's never really overcome.
Outcome: After three casual sexy dates the relationship dissolves.

3rd story:
Lovers: A recently divorced man suffering his mid-life crisis in his late forties. A not so recently divorced woman in her early forties.
Obstacle: The Atlantic Ocean and a great lack of money from both parts.
How the obstacle is overcome: Through a scholarship won by the woman to study a Masters in his homeplace.
Outcome: No idea! Probably new obstacles will continuously arise, but surely they will be continuously overcome until they can appreciate that happiness is not something to be achieved, but something to be savoured each time they share.

Which is the best love story material? 1st story has been widely reviewed lately and usually given artificial, not possible results. 2nd story might have a happy ending after the male teacher overcomes his pain for having been left alone. 3rd story is my personal favourite, it's characters are more mature and liable to share a real story... if only it weren't for the sea thing!

Love is everywhere you look around, and I mean everywhere and it is possible among everyone. Is love a feeling, a group of feelings or a belief? I don't know anymore. Once upon a long time ago I believed in love for life, in the real love, in Platonic love, now... after many experiences.... I don't know. I decided there is another kind of love, which I have decided to call today's love, the love I feel today for someone which I felt yesterday and I am sure I wil feel tomorrow, although I'm not sure about next month. I'm not cynical, just plain sincere, I think love is something to be built everyday, not something you promise to keep today and never work on it again. That's why I don't promise myself anything, I allow myself to dream, without illusions nothing's worth, there's no point of ignition, but, not promises that can be so easily broken. Well, that's love between me and men, or now just one man. Of course there is love between me and my mother, between me and my daughter, between me and my brother, between me and my friends. Love is bonding, caring, worrying, helping, tolerating, forgiving, believing, trusting, relying, laughing, drinking, sharing, remembering, dancing, crying, understanding, staring, glaring, listening, shouting, holding, preparing tea, feeding, excersising, asking, respecting, admiring, smiling, thinking, wandering, wondering, giving, receiving... many things, between many people. Many stories.

THE SHOPPING LIST

6.00 Mom wakes up. Today's Matty's party. She has a lot of things to do, but luckily she has Maria to help her in the house, but mainly with the shopping. The house needs nothing to be done because the party will be in a rented place where everything will be taken care of, they just need you to bring the food. Mommy asked Matty what he wanted to eat besides the big birthday cake and he replied cheese-macaroni, hot dogs with relish and ready made fries with lots of ketchup. "Ok, " said, Mom, "We will also need something for dieting mommies and... I guess dads can have the same as kids." So she took Matty to school and came back to make a shopping list for Maria to buy at the supermarket before she left for her own job.

"Ok, listen Maria, I need you to go to the supermarket and buy what is listed here. I already told Sam to take you whenever you are ready, he won't be going anywhere because I am picking Matty from school today. Sam has the party's address, so we will meet there at 15.00. As you can see the house is perfectly clean and nothing needs to be done here, so don't worry about the laundry or the dishes, you can spare those for today. See you at three, bye!"

Maria had a few months working for the family. She didn't understand the language very well yet, besides, she had a hearing problem and it had been several days she had lost her hearing aid, so she mostly nodded, she knew what was her job and her place. Bueno, lo que entendió fue algo de los dishes, la laundry, Sam y las three o'clock. Ya sé, tengo que lavar los trastes y la ropa para las tres y luego tengo que ir con Sam, él sabrá pa' qué. ¡Ay! Dijo algo de la party, ¿me habrá invitado? ¡Qué va! Seguro quiere que le ayude allá. ¿Y la lista? Ni sé leer en español, menos en inglés. Ya sé, a las tres se la llevo a Sam y él que me diga que quiere decir.

So she went into the bedrooms and made the beds, dusted the furniture, vaccumed the rugs and then she went to the kitchen to make something for her and Sam for breakfast. Sam was a good man, they hardly spoke to each other because she didn't know a lot of English and she was shy and he barely knew any Spanish and he was a silent man, but he always took his hat before her, and he pulled the chair for her, and he opened the doors, and helped her carry the groceries. Maria was not young and she looked older because she had had a hard life, and Sam was just being as polite as his grandmother, who had raised him, had taught him. Maria reminded him of her and he felt some kind of affection for the poor old woman who seemed at a loss when she wasn't working. They ate in silence. Maria wanted to show Sam the list, but she was shy and a bit scared of this gentle black giant, so she just smiled at him, showing her yellow teeth, and then looked down at her café con leche. Sam finished and while he was washing his dishes he said in his firm, loud, but gentle voice, "Gracias, Maria." He knew some words and when to use them.

Maria rose almost immediately to stop him from washing the dishes, that was not a man's work from where she came. But Sam had finished. She continued washing the dishes, they were not so many.

She went back to the rooms, picking clothes here and there, Matty's, Mom's, Dad's and she went downstairs, to the washing room, where they had a washer, a dryer, shelves for the low foam detergent, the bleacher, the softener, the starch for the father's shirts, the spot remover, etc. There was an ironing board with a very modern iron on it that spitted water or vapour depending on where you put the dial. So many things for washing clothes. Back in her town she had a pile of water next to a stone lavabo where she would bend and with her own hands she would wash alike clothes and bed sheets and the jerga used to clean the whole house. She only needed extra strength to make dirty clothes really clean. And did her children leave clothes dirty! These fine clothes were not really dirty, they were barely sweated. Her children worked in the land and building houses, their clothes were soiled, grey with hard working sweat. Her children were so far away now! While the clothes were dancing inside the washer she decided it was a good idea to go and ask Sam about the list. ¿'Onde dejé la lista? ¡Ah! Seguro en la cocina. And she went upstairs to the kitchen. She looked everywhere, on the counter, on the table, on the sink, and finally she nearly slipped with the list which was half-hidding on the floor next to the sink. She took it with some difficulty and again she went downstairs, to the garage. There Sam had a small bed room with a TV. She knocked softly and Sam came out. She showed him the list. Sam opened his eyes very wide, the party! They must be there at three with the shopping! It was five to three! There was no time to do the shopping. He took Maria and opened the car door for her, who confused stared at him. She got in and he quickly took the remote to open the garage door and dashed through.

They arrived late and without the shopping. "What happened?" asked Mom in a rather worried tone.

Maria started speaking, "Ay, señora, es que no le entendí nada. No sabía qué tenía que hacer. Me daba pena con Sam, pero lavé los trastes y la ropa como me dijo. Pero no entendí lo de la lista."

Mom stared at Maria, she didn't undestand a word, just the worry in her tone, the shame, and she felt sorry for her. She turned to Sam who said, trying to help and having been a witness of what had happened, "She says, I didn't have a lot of time, so I didn't do the shopping."

Mom ordered pizzas and the kids were happy.

LONG-DISTANCE ROMANCE II

He went back home quite disappointed. He looked for his passport and it was exactly where he had remebered he had left it. He went back in his own car to the airport to buy his new ticket. It didn't cost a lot of money. It was only a small difference. Everything was ready for the next day. He was leaving at the same hour and he would arrive at the same hour to the other side of the ocean.

On the other side of the ocean she got the text explaining what had happened. She was just beginning to get ready, but all of a sudden she felt sad, like that time when he had told her he was coming in August and then cancelled because he had changed jobs. She understood, but it broke her heart. All the expectation had accumulated and it was difficult to just push it away. Today it was the same. Well, it was just a day, it was settled, a matter of hours. Now that she thought about it, it was crazy. She was going to admitt a perfect stranger into her flat. What if he was a murderer? What if he was weird? What if he was her prince and she was a frog? She caught her reflection in the mirror next to the door. She was not that young anymore, she knew the cam softened her features, but in broad daylight each of her wrinkles could be seen, she was 42 and did not look her age, she looked younger, but... she was not. She took a book and started reading until it got her dizzy, then she went to bed and watched TV for a while, reruns were boring when they were about solving mysteries. She turned it off, she cried a little, she didn't know if out of sadness or excitemenet or both. Tomorrow she wouldn't sleep alone.

Next day she was twice as nervous, what if the flight was again delayed? But no, there were no texts cancelling. She went through her daily routine and then she went to market to buy fresh food to cook. She went back home and put everything in place. She had a shower, she took her time getting ready and she waited patiently for Mau to arrive. He had offered himself to take her to the airport and then either disappear or take them home. He was such a sweetheart.

He came just in time. The traffic was not heavy. They arrived in good time to the airport. Mau and Clau looked at each other, remembering another encounter they have both shared and that now was part of the past. They smiled and blinked sadly for a second, now it was a different occasion. Mau told Clau he was going to walk around while she waited for him. Suddenly they announced the arrival of his flight. She was very excited. She ran to the reception gate. She was expectant. Already in her highest heels, she was still trying to tiptoe and jump to see above the bunch of people. No need to jump, he was really huge, he outstood above the rest, in his dark jacket she had so many times seen on screen, his eyes looking here and there until they fixed on hers and his smile appeared. Yes!!!! He was just as she had imagined --sweet, smiley and kind.

Was she whom he expected?

Suddenly he saw her, among the people, jumping up and down, in her red coat, the colour that suited her best. She was smiling, that smile that kindled him from the inside. She was just as he had imagined her, tiny, cute, dinky, so beautiful and sexy.

They ran to each other and suddenly she tripped, but he ran to catch her and she landed on his arms. She stared at his blue-rimmed hazel eyes and they were sparkling, he was drinking her with them. He hugged her so tightly she couldn't breath so when she tried to catch breath it was like a sigh. He loosened a bit and looked at her, she stroked him and he stroked her smooth face, he started kissing her shyly, almost asking for permission, she smiled and kissed back. After a while, someone coughed with his baggage on a trolley and asked them, "Shall we head home or would you rather have something for dinner? I'm Mauricio."

"Mau? I have heard a lot about you. Glad to meet you, mate. Mmm, home?"

"Home, it is. Thanks Mau." replied Clau.

LONG-DISTANCE ROMANCE I

They had been cyber-dating for more than a year now. He had finally saved more than enough money to finally meet her in the flesh in her own country. He had arranged everything for his holidays to be spent there. He had interviewed several nannies to take care of his children, but had finally decided that they would be perfectly taken care of by his parents and occasional visits from their mother from whom he had finally divorced in April.

He had gone to take the photograph for his passport, days before the appointment at the government office in charge. He hadn't had his hair cut too recently, so he didn't look like a soldier, his hair length was just perfect and he looked smashing. He had decided to shave off the moustache, after all he had let it grow because of a former girlfriend who never came back, it was time to let that go.

He had bought the round airplane ticket after an exhaustive search and comparison between different airlines, asking for dates, hours, stops, requirements...whatever. He was not a planner, so this behaviour was quite unusual. He was very excited. He made a list in his mind of the clothes he needed. Clean shirts, socks, underwear (maybe he needed to buy some new items), a pair of trousers, comfortable shoes (she had threatened him with walking all day long), should he buy a pijama? He slept stark naked, well not completely, but...he fell asleep.

Next day he checked his suitcase. It had been years since the last time he used it. It was dusty, rusty and plain old. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he saw the same, he felt dusty, rusty and plain old. He knew the camera was kind with his features. His nose was too big, he had too many wrinkles, at 46 he looked older. Would she take him? Was he whom she expected? Mmm, if the camera was so nice with him, how nice would it be with her? What if all this money spent in the trip was not worth it? What if she wasn't as gorgeous? Was this trip a good idea? My! What was he thinking? He must be crazy. He was terrified. But he had this power of turning doubts and bad expriences into happy moods just by purpose.

Next day he felt fine. He had a last check at everything. Suitcase dusted and polished with clothes neatly packed by his daughter. Passport... the phone rang, his mother wishing him good luck and asking him to be careful with the swine flu... airplane ticket... his son rushed in with something about Jac Jac. Apparently the dog had a stick stuck in his throat. He took it out and sighed, would they be ok when he got back? It was the first time he would leave them alone. Ok, the taxi was here to pick him. No need to bother his brothers, they had things to do. He kissed the kids good-bye and set for the airport.

There was a traffic jam. Apparently because of the weather, it was so nice that everyone was headed for the lake. Once they passed the lake, it would surely be faster. And so it was. Soon, they were in the airport. He had arrived two hours before to check in his suitcase. That was the requirement for transatlantic flights. He waited in the queue until his turn came. In the meantime he was observing people. He liked airports. All the people arriving and leaving. All of them hugging for one reason or another. Many people crying, happily some, sadly others. Many people rushing to meet each other, to finally clash in a kiss. That was the plan, she would be waiting for him and they would rush to each other's arms...

"Sir? Can I see your ticket, please?" called a young female voice.

"Sure," he said, woken from his daydream. He started searching in the pockets of his overcoat. He searched in the small bag he was carrying with him with stuff he might need in flight. The ticket was nowhere to be found.

"Please, stay aside while I ask for the rest of the passengers." the clerk said.

"Sure, of course," he said quite embarassed.

He suddenly remembered he had put the plane ticket in... an envelope that stayed in the kitchen when Will had asked for help with Jac Jac!!!! He explained this to the clerk and she said, "No problem sir, the ticket for today was lost, you'll have to pay a difference so the airline can give you another for tomorrow, I just need to see your passport."

In that moment the voice of his mother echoed, he had forgotten the passport on the phone table.

How could he explain his sweetheart that he wouldn't arrive today because he forgot his passport and he lost his plane ticket?

A DAY IN HER LIFE

Almost everyday she opened her eyes around 7.45 and got up to feed the cats, then she would go back to sleep for another couple of hours. At 9.30 she was up. She put water to boil for her tea and then she would read a chapter from whichever book she was reading. She would finish chapter and tea and start exercising. She would take a shower and then start her computer while she cooked herself something for breakfast --usually some fruit, bread, eggs and cranberry juice, more tea and water, plenty of water. After having checked her mail shortly, she would connect to chat with her long-distance boyfriend. He was nice, handsome, with a beautiful and warming smile and a special sparkle in his eyes. They would chat for about an hour. Then she would check thoroughly her mail, she would write some entries in her blog, in her diary and study some stuff she was interested in.

Around noon she would take her notebooks, books and folders and she would leave to teach all around the city, wherever students needed her. She didn't have a car of her own, so she walked to the subway station, a fifteen minute walk from home. There she would change lines to take the one that took her to a bus which left her on the middle of the highway to a nearby town. There, under a bridge, she made her stop. She walked for ten minutes to the suburb where three of her students lived. There she stayed for two hours. It was usually dark and cold when she came out. She walked to the nearest bus stop and there she took one to the subway station nearest the outskirts of the city. Thanks to her good luck she had only once travelled standing in more than a year she had been teaching there. She would read on her way home, trying to make some notes. Once in the city she would take the subway to the station nearest her home. She would change lines in the first station. She would go downstairs, then walk where her line was and then she would go upstairs, two times. She would take the train and read again while she got to her station where she would step off. She would climb the stairs and then go past the ticket teller, climb other stairs and come out next to the lady who sold boiled corn. She would go past the church, cross the street, walk past the park, watching the moon and the skaters there, and then cross the street to the site where they were building a new flat building that never seemed to be finished. She went past the ice cream shop and the vegetable shop, the gas shop where once she fell down and nobody helped her, and then she crossed again. She walked past the cleaner's, the stationary, the key makers, until the bakery where she sniffed at the recently baked bread and watched at all its varities through the window, next to where another old lady was selling boiled corn (why is it that apparently all corn vendors are old ladies?). She crossed the street where the beautician's was already closing, she walked past several new and old flat buildings, past the grocer's, her friends' stationery and finally her flat building. She took the keys from her bag, she opened the general entrance and climbed the set of ten stairs up to her flat, on top of all of them.

She opened her door and the cats came meowing with news from the day, she stroke them. She wasn't tired, so she didn't go to bed. Instead she threw herself in her favourite arm chair, she opened her book to take some more notes and she fell fast asleep.