AWFUL SILENCE

Once you are used to talk and chat and make your voice sound loud and clear it is very difficult to stay silent, more when this condition is due to a sore throat, the damnation of teachers and whoever depends on their voice to earn a living. Ok, this thing of the sore throat has been haunting me for a few weeks now and I have been putting it aside with garlic tea, green tea, lemon, honey and other home remedies. Apparently it hasn't been enough. I know all I need is a holiday, just resting a whole day on bed, but I can't. This does not rise from a feeling of guilt not to do anything, but rather from a terribly lonely feeling of no one in my bed to keep me company. I know Sean is there, on the other side of the world, but I need him here, by my side, physically present. Last night I went partying and I was surrounded by many couples professing their love for each other. No problem with public love expressions, rather, envy, pure and putrid. Once again I am put in a situation where I can not show my love, I mean, I can talk about it, but I cannot hold hands, stare into each other's eyes, feel his prickly skin against mine, feel his warmth or his kisses on my cheek. Maybe that is what sickens me, the lack of physical proximity. And the sadness, the loneliness and the hormones.

THE ROPES OF LOVE STORIES

In the film Paperheart Charlyne Yi interviews a Romance writer who after having said there is no formula for a romance, describes what a romantic story is about, yes, giving away the formula. She more or less states that it should include the lovers (of course) a basic attraction, an obstacle and both's will to overcome that obstacle that once conquered will let love triumph and the lovers live happily ever after.

Ok, here we go:
1st story:
Lovers: A female teacher and her 21 years younger, terribly hot and handsome student.
Obstacle: Both go to the same school, the age gap and the small size of the school.
How the obstacle is overcome: Teacher leaves school, student graduates and becomes a legal adult who woos the teacher on the internet and texting.
Outcome: For a month both are very happy, but after all the age difference is too much and they cannot continue together. He gets bored.

2nd story:
Lovers: A male teacher nine years older than his former ultra sexy female student.
Obstacle: Mmm, none? He's recently divorced and still bitter, he doesn't want to committ, not even to risk falling in love.
How the obstacle is overcome: It's never really overcome.
Outcome: After three casual sexy dates the relationship dissolves.

3rd story:
Lovers: A recently divorced man suffering his mid-life crisis in his late forties. A not so recently divorced woman in her early forties.
Obstacle: The Atlantic Ocean and a great lack of money from both parts.
How the obstacle is overcome: Through a scholarship won by the woman to study a Masters in his homeplace.
Outcome: No idea! Probably new obstacles will continuously arise, but surely they will be continuously overcome until they can appreciate that happiness is not something to be achieved, but something to be savoured each time they share.

Which is the best love story material? 1st story has been widely reviewed lately and usually given artificial, not possible results. 2nd story might have a happy ending after the male teacher overcomes his pain for having been left alone. 3rd story is my personal favourite, it's characters are more mature and liable to share a real story... if only it weren't for the sea thing!

Love is everywhere you look around, and I mean everywhere and it is possible among everyone. Is love a feeling, a group of feelings or a belief? I don't know anymore. Once upon a long time ago I believed in love for life, in the real love, in Platonic love, now... after many experiences.... I don't know. I decided there is another kind of love, which I have decided to call today's love, the love I feel today for someone which I felt yesterday and I am sure I wil feel tomorrow, although I'm not sure about next month. I'm not cynical, just plain sincere, I think love is something to be built everyday, not something you promise to keep today and never work on it again. That's why I don't promise myself anything, I allow myself to dream, without illusions nothing's worth, there's no point of ignition, but, not promises that can be so easily broken. Well, that's love between me and men, or now just one man. Of course there is love between me and my mother, between me and my daughter, between me and my brother, between me and my friends. Love is bonding, caring, worrying, helping, tolerating, forgiving, believing, trusting, relying, laughing, drinking, sharing, remembering, dancing, crying, understanding, staring, glaring, listening, shouting, holding, preparing tea, feeding, excersising, asking, respecting, admiring, smiling, thinking, wandering, wondering, giving, receiving... many things, between many people. Many stories.

THE SHOPPING LIST

6.00 Mom wakes up. Today's Matty's party. She has a lot of things to do, but luckily she has Maria to help her in the house, but mainly with the shopping. The house needs nothing to be done because the party will be in a rented place where everything will be taken care of, they just need you to bring the food. Mommy asked Matty what he wanted to eat besides the big birthday cake and he replied cheese-macaroni, hot dogs with relish and ready made fries with lots of ketchup. "Ok, " said, Mom, "We will also need something for dieting mommies and... I guess dads can have the same as kids." So she took Matty to school and came back to make a shopping list for Maria to buy at the supermarket before she left for her own job.

"Ok, listen Maria, I need you to go to the supermarket and buy what is listed here. I already told Sam to take you whenever you are ready, he won't be going anywhere because I am picking Matty from school today. Sam has the party's address, so we will meet there at 15.00. As you can see the house is perfectly clean and nothing needs to be done here, so don't worry about the laundry or the dishes, you can spare those for today. See you at three, bye!"

Maria had a few months working for the family. She didn't understand the language very well yet, besides, she had a hearing problem and it had been several days she had lost her hearing aid, so she mostly nodded, she knew what was her job and her place. Bueno, lo que entendió fue algo de los dishes, la laundry, Sam y las three o'clock. Ya sé, tengo que lavar los trastes y la ropa para las tres y luego tengo que ir con Sam, él sabrá pa' qué. ¡Ay! Dijo algo de la party, ¿me habrá invitado? ¡Qué va! Seguro quiere que le ayude allá. ¿Y la lista? Ni sé leer en español, menos en inglés. Ya sé, a las tres se la llevo a Sam y él que me diga que quiere decir.

So she went into the bedrooms and made the beds, dusted the furniture, vaccumed the rugs and then she went to the kitchen to make something for her and Sam for breakfast. Sam was a good man, they hardly spoke to each other because she didn't know a lot of English and she was shy and he barely knew any Spanish and he was a silent man, but he always took his hat before her, and he pulled the chair for her, and he opened the doors, and helped her carry the groceries. Maria was not young and she looked older because she had had a hard life, and Sam was just being as polite as his grandmother, who had raised him, had taught him. Maria reminded him of her and he felt some kind of affection for the poor old woman who seemed at a loss when she wasn't working. They ate in silence. Maria wanted to show Sam the list, but she was shy and a bit scared of this gentle black giant, so she just smiled at him, showing her yellow teeth, and then looked down at her café con leche. Sam finished and while he was washing his dishes he said in his firm, loud, but gentle voice, "Gracias, Maria." He knew some words and when to use them.

Maria rose almost immediately to stop him from washing the dishes, that was not a man's work from where she came. But Sam had finished. She continued washing the dishes, they were not so many.

She went back to the rooms, picking clothes here and there, Matty's, Mom's, Dad's and she went downstairs, to the washing room, where they had a washer, a dryer, shelves for the low foam detergent, the bleacher, the softener, the starch for the father's shirts, the spot remover, etc. There was an ironing board with a very modern iron on it that spitted water or vapour depending on where you put the dial. So many things for washing clothes. Back in her town she had a pile of water next to a stone lavabo where she would bend and with her own hands she would wash alike clothes and bed sheets and the jerga used to clean the whole house. She only needed extra strength to make dirty clothes really clean. And did her children leave clothes dirty! These fine clothes were not really dirty, they were barely sweated. Her children worked in the land and building houses, their clothes were soiled, grey with hard working sweat. Her children were so far away now! While the clothes were dancing inside the washer she decided it was a good idea to go and ask Sam about the list. ¿'Onde dejé la lista? ¡Ah! Seguro en la cocina. And she went upstairs to the kitchen. She looked everywhere, on the counter, on the table, on the sink, and finally she nearly slipped with the list which was half-hidding on the floor next to the sink. She took it with some difficulty and again she went downstairs, to the garage. There Sam had a small bed room with a TV. She knocked softly and Sam came out. She showed him the list. Sam opened his eyes very wide, the party! They must be there at three with the shopping! It was five to three! There was no time to do the shopping. He took Maria and opened the car door for her, who confused stared at him. She got in and he quickly took the remote to open the garage door and dashed through.

They arrived late and without the shopping. "What happened?" asked Mom in a rather worried tone.

Maria started speaking, "Ay, señora, es que no le entendí nada. No sabía qué tenía que hacer. Me daba pena con Sam, pero lavé los trastes y la ropa como me dijo. Pero no entendí lo de la lista."

Mom stared at Maria, she didn't undestand a word, just the worry in her tone, the shame, and she felt sorry for her. She turned to Sam who said, trying to help and having been a witness of what had happened, "She says, I didn't have a lot of time, so I didn't do the shopping."

Mom ordered pizzas and the kids were happy.