AWFUL SILENCE

Once you are used to talk and chat and make your voice sound loud and clear it is very difficult to stay silent, more when this condition is due to a sore throat, the damnation of teachers and whoever depends on their voice to earn a living. Ok, this thing of the sore throat has been haunting me for a few weeks now and I have been putting it aside with garlic tea, green tea, lemon, honey and other home remedies. Apparently it hasn't been enough. I know all I need is a holiday, just resting a whole day on bed, but I can't. This does not rise from a feeling of guilt not to do anything, but rather from a terribly lonely feeling of no one in my bed to keep me company. I know Sean is there, on the other side of the world, but I need him here, by my side, physically present. Last night I went partying and I was surrounded by many couples professing their love for each other. No problem with public love expressions, rather, envy, pure and putrid. Once again I am put in a situation where I can not show my love, I mean, I can talk about it, but I cannot hold hands, stare into each other's eyes, feel his prickly skin against mine, feel his warmth or his kisses on my cheek. Maybe that is what sickens me, the lack of physical proximity. And the sadness, the loneliness and the hormones.