FOCUS

For a while I had forgotten my New Year's resolutions.
I mean, if I had the time to think about them it means that's what I need to do, why on earth would I deviate from them? Really. There's no other way, the only option is to be a BITCH, to focus on running, writing and getting that promotion, today more than ever. (Not exactly today, today, but right now, in the present).
Gosh, I haven't even been really writing, not even in my diary, I'm so fucking tired when I get home and I wonder, why? Ok, the promotion. Is it really worth it? Being away from home, from my daughter, my cat, my life as a writer?
I'm forgetting how to write, how to think, how to stop and enjoy.
I'm getting too crazy and fucked up.
Too scattered brain.
After all the promotion is just more money and more obligations. Do I need that? Do I want that? Not really. I want to live forever. But first, I have to live now, today- Enjoy. And it's been a long time since I enjoyed anything. I'm afraid I'm just letting life go by, watching it happen from a corner, not even comfortably like in a movie and I'm not sure I like it.
And yes, I need someone to really love me, ME the whole lot, not just my body, but my soul, my mind, my... everything.
Sean, where are you?