DECISIONS

Today I was woken up by the sound of a text in my mobile. No, it was not from Sean cancelling today's date --thanks God-- it was from Liber. She was on the train to Sttutgart and she asked me to remind her why she had gone there. I answered that she had gone in search of freedom, experience, and learning. Then I went to my early class at Observatorio and on my way back home I got another text --again not from Sean cancelling (God! Am I paranoid!)--, but from a furious Mau who was fed up with some problems.

Ok, these two texts kept me thinking about the decisions we take in life. So many! We never know when we choose to turn left what we are leaving on the right path. They remind me of my own choices. Years ago, when I was about to finish my Bachelor's degree, I chose becoming a mother instead of finishing it and of traveling for a scholarship to England. I chose to work in order to help my daughter's father, then my partner, to raise our girl. I worked a lot. I worked in schools, in English institutes that send you to offices to teach to executives. There was a moment I was teaching from 8.00 -9.00 in a nun school, then from 10.00 -14.00 in high school, then I would pick up my daughter at kindergarten, and then I would cook very quickly to be able to go to my afternoon classes at Glaxo from 17.00 -19.00. I was so tired all I could do was to arrive home to watch TV. I often wondered in those times what would my life be like if I had chosen another path, but quickly would erase those thoughts as soon as I heard or saw my girl beside me.

Now I'm alone. The opportunity to face new decisions has arrived again. Now I have the table set before me: finish my thesis and leave to England to study, to meet Sean in flesh, and to see if what I had thought was as I had thought it. I want to study a Mastership in Narrative, to meet and smell, and touch Seany. And of course I'm afraid of leaving all I've got here --my daughter, my cats, my plants, my mother and brother, my family, my friends, my flat. But one has to do what one has to do, so one won't blame others for not having done, because it's better regretting having done than not having done. I also search for freedom, experience and learning.