Since the attack of the scary mattress I've been tossing and turning on it and in my head. What should I let go? I have Sean in my mind so set that I thought I should let him go in order to move on and continue with my life, but I was wrong. Totally and awfully wrong. What I have to let go is the past, and even the present, in pursuit of happiness and a future. That is so against me. I am so obssessed with certainy that the sole idea of opening towards an uncertain future terrifies me. So, how did I arrive to this conclusion? Writing!
I know, I write so many things everyday how could I get to this conclusion just today? Well, I write many things, but THE writing takes place in my diary. It's the utmost confessionary where I write my innermost thoughts and where I just let the pen flow and connect with my desires and fears that are the same after all. Yes, I was afraid for a sec to have to let go Sean after all that has happened... in my mind. He's been having troubles with the divorce and I don't know what kind of problems. That's another thing that has me terrified, not knowing. I depend absolutely on trust and faith. Something I have never done. It is safer to stay put, guarded, here in my little flat with my kitty kats, my plants and all kind of past souvenirs. The key were the sheets.
1st part of the dream means: stop to think, hold on.
2nd part of the dream: let go.
2ns part looked closely: I was facing the matress, the sheets were the same my mother bought for Rafael and me when we decided living together. America would look at them and smile at the flower printing because, later on I discovered, they resembled smiling faces. I was facing the sheets, but I was not smiling, I was begging, demanding the thing to let me go. I am demanding my past to let me go, I have to let go the past.
I have to finish my thesis, apply for a job in the UK and fly to meet my future. What I have to let go is the past. Forever.
ahh... qué curioso que llegáramos a la misma conclusión justo hoy.
ReplyDeleteYo por torpe y necia, tú ... puede que también un poco jaja.
Hoy después de mi enésima discusión con D, díjeme, ya no mames!!.. literal, o sea, me voy en dos semanas, qué jijos tengo que andarme amargando?
Tú, pues lo tuyo con R ya está más que muerto, así que así es, goodnight and goodbye, end of story. Ame te quiere, contra viento y marea, ya hemos hablado de esta edad loca loca, pero te quiere, y te querrá por siempre, aquí o lejos, aprenderá a darse cuenta de que tu relación con ella son punto y a parte de las cuestiones con tu ex, así que sí mi Clau, tenemos que mirar hacia el frente, contra todo y contra todos, porque es triste dejar cosas, pero debería ser feliz dejar las malas y las buenas, pues mejorar esas sí guardarlas en buen recuerdo.
:)
Agreed!
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